It Brought Me You
by 34G13
Summary: After Rannoch, Shepard begins to dwell on the situation at hand. Tali offers her support in an attempt to put his mind at ease. A short conversation between Shepard and Tali. One-Shot.


Shepard stood on the engineering deck, looking out over the shuttle bay. He had gotten used to the insomnia that kept him from sleeping normal hours; now, when he felt tired- rather, when he had time to feel tired- he would simply lie on his couch or throw his feet up on his desk, lean back, and shut his eyes for half an hour or so. It worked as a manner of rest, but the trade off was the way a solid eight hours of sleep would clear his mind. When he needed to consciously put his thoughts at ease, a view always helped; it made him feel at peace somehow. After a bit of a frustrating "testing" phase, he had come to find the "view" the engineering deck offered calmed him the most.

Shepard hadn't been there long before the doors to the engine room slid open. The sound of footsteps stopped abruptly.

"Shepard," came the voice of a somewhat surprised quarian.

"Hey, Tali," the commander replied, not diverting his focus.

"What's up? Is everything alright?" Tali asked as she moved to his side, taking up his stare.

"I..." his vague clarification trailed off into a sigh. "It's been a hell of a week, Tali."

"Yes. It has."

"Have you gotten any word from Rannoch?"

"No. I mean, it's only been a few hours since we left. We haven't even hit the Tikkun relay yet."

"Yeah. I guess not." When Tali decided this was all she was getting as a reply, she continued the thought.

"The admirals have a lot on their hands. They have a fleet's worth of ships to repair... they have the battle for Earth on the horizon... they have civilians to think about, setting up a civilian government system, infrastructure, housing..."

"Do you think the admirals will move into civilian government themselves?"

"I don't know. If I had to put money on any of them, it would be Koris."

"His head is certainly in the right place. His personality, though..." Shepard looked down, shaking his head. "He would make a great politician."

"We will see," Tali replied. "But, I don't think you were standing here thinking about the admirals."

"No. I wasn't." Tali could hear fatigue in his voice. Shepard wasn't himself. Even in the midst of fighting or impossible situations, she would always notice a certain glint in his eyes or a look on his face that pressed his strength, his incredible, beaming personality. Right now, she was very concerned with the lack thereof.

"If there's anything you'd like to talk about... I would be happy to listen." Shepard sighed heavily before turning to the elevator shaft.

"There's no time to talk. I have some things I need to do before we get to the citadel." He hit the holographic button for his cabin as Tali came over to him. She picked up his hand as she walked by, turning to face him, pulling his hand into both of hers.

"Perhaps... you wouldn't mind if I accompanied you?" She said, looking up at him. Shepard caught her bio-luminescent gaze into his eyes. Even through the translucent visor, they were mesmerizing. His military training, the barriers he put up as part of the necessity to keep everyone else around him positive and up to an impossible task told him to say no. Tali's stare dug into the depths of his mind and cracked into the vault that kept his wants, his selfish interests, locked away. He wanted to say yes. He needed to say no.

The elevator dinged as it reached engineering, breaking his internal conflict. He looked over into the empty transport as the doors opened. He pulled his hand out of Tali's grip before he turned his back and walked into the elevator, stopping just close enough to the edge to keep the doors from closing. He looked down for a moment, before turning and putting his arm over the crevices in which the door rested, signaling for Tali to join him.

"Thank you, commander," she said, entering somewhat hesitantly and keeping her distance. She continued this pattern as the elevator arrived on deck one, standing in the elevator doorway, once again inhibiting the frustrated machine from closing its doors until Shepard had entered his cabin. She slowly followed him in as he sat on his bed and put his face in his hands. Tali crept down the stairs, stopping as she stepped off the last one.

For a moment, there was silence. Tali felt tension. She felt uncomfortable. She didn't want to speak, fearing she might set of some massive explosion, but she had to. Not before taking a considerably deep breath did she finally force herself to do so.

"I... I understand what your mindset needs to be around your crew. I understand that you have to put up barriers. You have to keep your emotions inside to keep everyones' spirits up." She paused for a moment, taking note of the fact that her furious finger-wringing was actually beginning to hurt. She locked her hands together behind her back before continuing.

"Maybe... I'm not as familiar with the mechanics of human relationships as I thought I was, but given... us, given... what we are, or what I think we are, to each other... You don't have to worry about anyone else but you and me. And we're alone... And you need to talk... And I don't like seeing you like this... And if you _don't_ talk, I may never stop rambling like an idiot..." She heard a slight laugh from Shepard. He stood up and walked over to her, keeping his eyes diverted.

"I mean, that's enough in itself to get you to say _something_, isn't it?" Tali said. Shepard could sense the humorous inflection, but also felt genuine pleading behind it.

"You're not an idiot, Tali," Shepard said, wrapping his arms around her. She returned the embrace silently, and the two of them stood there for a moment, simply enjoying the warmth and presence of the other. "It's sweet of you to be concerned, and I appreciate it."

"...but?" Tali replied as they separated from each other.

"but... I just don't want to make a habit of throwing out everything that's bothering me. Yes, you're right to say I'm not necessarily worried about you're reaction. I know you'll be supportive. I just... I don't want you to become a deposit for my worries. I don't want to burden you with them." the commander paused for a moment. "It's enough for one person to have to deal with them."

"But, something is one your mind...?" Tali said, ignoring everything Shepard had just said.

"What _isn't _on my mind, Tali?" He said, turning and taking a few steps towards his desk.

"Hmm... pyjaks?" Shepard laughed quite audibly at the suggestion. His mind recalled the frustration and general ridiculousness that had surrounded the presence of those things throughout the war, from searching numerous colonies for one that had stolen a data core from a probe, to the Krogan slaughtering them with rocket launchers on Tuchanka.

"I still don't understand how I was more successful as killing those monkeys than the Krogan," Shepard said through a laugh.

"The krogan specialize more in killing... well, large things," Tali said, taking advantage of the lighter mood to approach the commander. "I like to think that I might be able to take one on, simply because I'm small," she said.

"Please don't do that," Shepard said as he turned back to the quarian, revealing a sudden look of concern to her.

"Don't worry, I have no plans on taking on a Krogan," she replied. For a moment, they stood, allowing the cheerfulness to fade, before Tali reached for the commander's hands.

"Yes, the Krogan are good at big," she started. "I'd bet you're just as good, if not better, at big. But the difference is that you're also good at small." Tali paused to collect her thoughts.

"What sets you apart is your ability to see the small things, to factor them into the bigger picture in a way that many others have trouble with. But, it's not without side effects. You hang on to the little details as well. And when you can't find a way to clear your head, they begin to tear away at you, don't they?" There was silence between the two, the only interaction being the slightly painful grip that Shepard had taken on Tali's hands.

"This whole stupid war," Shepard finally said. "It's... it's impossible odds to the most extreme form you can think of. You said yourself that you don't know if we can win this."

"I'm... I'm sorry. I was lost in the moment... I didn't mean to..."

"Don't worry about it. It's true. It had crossed my mind long before Rannoch. What bothers me the most? We've made friends over the course of this war. It's brought me closer to so many people than anything else ever could have. To see the dedication these people have to what they do, the good in their personalities..." Shepard paused, releasing Tali's hands and taking a few steps behind her. Tali turned to follow his pacing.

"Their memories are what bother me. What if we lose this? All of their sacrifice... All in vein, because I screwed up somewhere along the way. They all put their trust in me. What if I fail them?" Tali stepped slowly toward Shepard, trying to pull together something to say.

"If we lost this, and you could see them all again... I think every single one of them would meet you with a grin on their face, shake your hand, and tell you it was a damn good try." Shepard turned to face the quarian, taken off guard by her vivid language. "I think they would tell stories to their afterlife children, telling them about what an honor it had been to serve with Commander Shepard in the impossible war, that if anyone had had a chance to pull through, it was Commander Shepard, and even though he lost, his commitment to winning while still holding strong to his optimism and positive morality and ethics made him the greatest man they ever knew." Tali stopped for a moment, in movement and speech. She was standing within inches of a speechless Shepard, though her eyes were diverted. Slowly, she lifted her hand to her waist before she pressed onto a section seal near her wrist before pulling off the glove on her right hand. She raised it and her eyes to the Commander's, gently placing her hand on the side of his face.

"And even if I can't speak for them, even if I'm as horribly wrong as it's possible to be... I speak for myself. I hate this war, but it brought me you." She paused as she wrapped her free arm around Shepard's waist. "If we lose this, wherever it is we end up on the other side... I will stand proudly beside you." There was silence as Shepard raised his hand over Tali's uncovered one, interlocking her three fingers into his five. He, too, took her into an embrace with his free arm.

"Thank you, Tali." He kissed her hand lightly on top of the knuckles before looking down into the glowing ovals behind her visor. "I hate this war too, but it brought me you. I don't think I could ask for a better friend."

"Hm. Just a friend?" she replied, teasingly pulling her uncovered hand away.

"The best of love has a strong friendship at it's base."

"Love? Who said anything about love?"

"I believe _you_ did. On Rannoch, before I took down the reaper..."

"You mean before you indulged your ever-burning desire for suicidal antics?"

"...before I took it on, you said 'I love you.'"

"Mhmm. You were staring a reaper in the face. I think you were hearing things," Tali said, playfully pushing Shepard away.

"Alright, miss teasy face," Shepard said, taking a step to regain the territory Tali had created between them while Tali laughed at the phrase. "You told me I'm good with small things."

"That I did." Shepard raised his hand to the side of her visor, brushing his fingers over the seal release.

"Then, you said _you _were small."

"That, I also did," she replied, wrapping her arms around the Commander's waist. "What are you implying?" Shepard pressed the button, which was followed by the sound of the suction seals releasing themselves. He slowly pulled away her mask and looked into her uncovered eyes.

"Something along the lines of this," he said, pressing his lips gently against hers. She responded by tightening her hold, which Shepard returned after setting her mask on the side of the bed.


End file.
